apparently the secret to your success is patron
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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