she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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