He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
