We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We are all done wearing pants today
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
