I wish I could punch you in the face.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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