So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
