apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
