The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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