I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
