I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
