forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
