How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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