The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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