She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
