weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
