did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
