If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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