I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize