When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize