I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
