do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
