chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
