you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
