I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
