Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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