got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
