so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
we should paint friendship bongs
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
