I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
