The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
