And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
