i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
