Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
