I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
