I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
