Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
