moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
