So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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