I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
