Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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