i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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