I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
