apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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