Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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