Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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