that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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