dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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