Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize