It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
