He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
