I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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