i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
