Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
