Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
