No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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