i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
