I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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