That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
