next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
