We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
