She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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