I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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