Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize