woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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