Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
