He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
