Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
