dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she told me i tasted like america
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
