ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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