I accidentally had phone sex last night
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
