the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize