There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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