If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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