we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
